He is regular guy somewhere in his sixties. Rather a simple person without much layers or corners to him. At least as long as I have known him. Twenty years to be precise. Working in the same organisation where I worked a doctor. Though in a different department so we hardly saw each other. After the end of his shift he worked as a caretaker at the a sports centre and it is here that we often met each other. For the sports centre was just adjacent to my house.
His post in the organisation was in administration. Someone almost at the bottom of pyramid. While at the sports centre he was a caretaker, housekeeping staff and lot more. Cleaning the place, looking after the sports equipment and tending to the garden was his work. Thats where I used to see him almost everyday. He was a hard worker with very few friends. Travelled on his old and beaten up bike and never used any other mode of transport. We used to exchange pleasantries everyday and nothing more, for he was not much of talker. But I was quite impressed with his sincerity and dedication towards his work. Keeping his head down he used to go about work without breaks and no chatter. After finishing work he used to ride his bike home.
Watching him for more than twenty years, nothing about him had changed. His dedication, sincerity and a complete lack of ego were the same as before. Even physically he had remained the same, except for his hair turning silver. I knew nothing about his personal life for apart from pleasantries, our talks never moved ahead. Later on I came to know that he was separated but not legally divorced. His wife and son lived in a separate place. This separation had occurred quite early on, in his life.
Well, I have never seen someone live such an uneventful life and yet in what I would call in a mindful way. Taking each day, each moment as it came. By nature being an introvert, he never must have hurt anyone. Rather he was a helpful character who after helping someone would withdraw immediately, before that person could thank him. It was as if helping others was duty to be done and any gratitude in exchange was unwarranted.
A couple of years back, I heard that he had reconciled with his wife and they had started living together. His son had grown up and was employed by now and life was good, as far I could see. Now at least he wont be returning to an empty house at the end of the day.
Days moved on and suddenly I realised that I had not seen him for quite a few days. Used to gaze at the sports centre from the windows of my house but there was no sign of him for almost two or three weeks. Once you are used to certain sights in your life and then they abruptly vanish, it leaves you with mild restlessness and abundant curiosity. And I was definitely curious. May be he had taken a vacation with his family or had gone for a family wedding or may be he was just relaxing at home. These thoughts made me feel better. Though I realised suddenly that I was trying to justify his absence by applying my own experiences and way of living to his life. Funny that humans can justify anything even without having no knowledge about that very thing. But then that’s human nature, my thoughts went on and on. Apart from that my life went on as usual, submerged in my patients, family, friends and social life.
One day as I finished with one consultation and was waiting for the next patient, in he peeked from the half opened door. I nodded at him and he walked in slowly with deliberate steps. Gone was his usual upright and formal manner and in its place was a worn out man with shoulders drooping down and a darkness on his face displaying the intense turmoil in his mind. He seemed to be in a bad place and for that matter I would say, actually in hell. Such was his demeanour. He sat down on the chair facing me and looked at me with sad eyes. Without showing any emotions on my face nor in my voice, I asked him what was he suffering from, thinking that he was probably not well. We as doctors, become adept at detaching ourselves from emotions when dealing with patients, as they negatively affect the objectivity that is required while taking important decisions, with respect to patients.
Bending down he removed a thick folder from his bag which he had placed on the floor near his chair. Placing it on the table he said in slow laborious words, “ these are my sons papers”. Now, that explained his absence at work for such a long time. Can’t exactly call it relief though I had come to know the reason for his absence at work as that reason wasn’t looking good. Consumed by the need to understand his problem, I opened the folder in a tearing hurry and started going through its contents. After I had gone through them not once but twice, it was clear that his son was suffering from an advanced stage malignancy of the oesophagus which had spread to the stomach as well as elsewhere in the body. He had completed the diagnostic process of his son at a small hospital and wanted me to help him, in finding a good setup for further treatment. I suggested a few good setups and requested him to keep me updated about the treatment.
He came back after a few days. His son was started on chemotherapy as surgery was not possible due to the advanced stage of cancer. A tube had been placed in the patient’s stomach surgically, through which he could be fed. Only thick pastes and liquids. The patient was suffering. Used to get episodes of extreme pain for which there was limited help. The atmosphere in the house had changed. Gone were all the joys, its place taken up by pain and a sea of grief. Life at his house revolved around doctor visits, admission to hospital, arranging funds, feeding through the tube and sleepless nights full of pain.
He used to call up frequently to inform about the progress. At the time of writing the treatment was still going on. Along with all the possible side effects of chemotherapy.
When I am alone, thoughts about him and many such patients keep coming to my mind. Propelling me to think about human existence. About heaven and hell that is engraved in our psyches. The teachings that most religions taught, of living a morally good life and the rewards it may bring. And here was this chap. Who hardly hurt anyone, nor cheated and didn’t even remarry after separation or had romantic affairs. (That I am almost sure about, as our organisation is a close knit place like a small village. Everyone knows everything about everybody, almost). This person lived an uncomplicated straightforward life without much interest in other aspects of life and people. Going to work, returning home, sleeping and going to work back again was the only life he knew. He had also reconciled with his wife and son and was having a reasonably good family life and yet, within a few years was he was dealt a devastating blow. As if god or that higher power living in the skies above, thought that some people shouldn’t be allowed to have good times and a good life. They need to suffer endlessly. However good a life they may have led.
I kept thinking about life, heaven, hell, justice and fairness. And then about destiny. Realising that life is inherently unfair. There is no natural justice. And if someone is above there, he or she just watch. Enjoying the billions of interlinked series that are available to them on their giant television. The Netflix of God.
©️ShashikantDudhgaonkar
