The Weight of the Tone and Harshness of Words

Every human big or small has an innate understanding of their value, shaped by their socioeconomic status, education, skills, social connections, and their perception of their own past and future. Around this sense of self they maintain boundaries that protect their dignity.

This sense of dignity is like a thick but ill defined border, thick enough to deflect routine verbal jabs, yet so ill defined that one can never predict when or where it will crack.

Everyone we encounter, every day and every moment, expects their dignity to be maintained. They may be rich or poor, our employees or bosses, educated or uneducated, intelligent or otherwise. And sometimes we slip. We use an inappropriate tone or language in dealing with them, especially with those we perceive to be beneath us. Sometimes even with our families and colleagues. In fact, most often with our families.

Intentionally or unintentionally we end up hurting their dignity or self worth. Sometimes it could be our abrasive personality on display and sometimes in the heat of the moment we might lose control. But that loss of control can leave someone wounded. They may fight back to reclaim their pride, or withdraw quietly, left emotionally scarred in the process. And for the rest of their lives, they may never forget the moment and the person who wounded them.

Be kind is not a cliché. It is not a quote to be casually thrown about during speeches. It is a fundamental, non negotiable aspect of our daily behavior.

Be kind to yourself and be kind to others.

In my personal experience, people have gone the extra mile, not for money, influence, or obligation, but simply because I was kind to them and they reciprocated. Whenever I had been in need, someone or the other has always chipped in. Not because I asked but because they remembered something from our past interactions. I have had many good interactions with Uber drivers, who often do not receive the respect they deserve, at least in India. They talked about themselves, their struggles and their dreams in the short journey we shared, enlightening one another in the process.

There are exceptions. People have their bad moments, emotional highs and lows. Sometimes it is better to step back, let the moment pass, and then engage, rather than retaliating.

© Shashikant Dudhgaonkar