Life flows smoothly despite its ups and downs. Office, home, children, shopping, bills to be paid, friends, travel, vacations, illnesses, political discussions, social media, and so on envelop us completely. We get so immersed in these routines that we somehow lose all awareness of the world beyond our constricted horizons. Everything seems to be going well and we carry on with a sense of self-satisfaction, even pride, living in a perpetual self absorbed state. But sometimes, an unexpected event, jolts us back to reality.
A sudden incident of death occurred, and I was a witness to the formalities that needs to completed.
No matter how emotionally strong we think we are, stepping into a place like the mortuary of a hospital, where post-mortems are conducted, makes us realize we are in an entirely different and an unsettling environment. Our thoughts become muddled, natural reactions freeze, and our usual composure falters. Unfamiliar words, rarely heard in everyday life, echo around us. Despite age and life experience, we realise that we are incapable at processing the situation.
No amount of reading or hearing about death can fully prepare us for the experience itself. The realization that a person has suddenly ceased to exist in this world registers somewhere in our brain but its true impact eludes us. Sometimes our mind flirts with a feeling of not belonging there in that situation. We console the bereaved family as well as ourselves, all the while trying hard to hide the turmoil in our minds.
Time moves forward. Families who experience sudden loss gradually begin to live again or rather are forced to live by their responsibilities. Many eventually recover from the impact of the incident and start living again, though it takes time. The survival instinct in humans and all living beings is immensely powerful, and through it, the intensity of emotional trauma and profound grief starts to diminish. Memories, however, never fade away. Near and dear ones often help the grieving to live as fully as possible, but ultimately, the battle has to be fought by the individual alone. That much is true.
These days, we read news about accidental, natural, or sudden deaths and simply move on without giving it a thought. Our sensitivities are numbed to the extent that we have become unable to feel anything for others. Though this is not entirely our fault. Times have changed and so do have m circumstances, though not all changes are good. The capacity to empathize with others’ pain is decreasing because everyone is preoccupied with their own survival, progression and possessions. Moreover, life moves so fast that even when we feel the need to pause, we often cannot. Yet, I still feel that a touch of empathy and sensitivity could soften the overly formal and transactional nature of relationships.
Of course, some people are extremely sensitive and emotional. Such incidents can push them into a relentless cycle of overwhelming thoughts, leaving them exhausted in their searching for a way out. Ultimately, everyone has to strike their own balance. A balance between sensitivity and practicality. And this balance often needs constant adjustment in the context of time, place and situation. Though most people do manage themselves well about that I have no doubt.
Everyone interprets such tragic events in their own way, internalizing them uniquely. This piece reflects the storm of emotions and thoughts stirred within me by a personal experience of such a heartbreaking incident.
Most importantly, I cannot even begin to imagine what must be going through the mind of someone who has lost their companion so suddenly and permanently.
©️ShashikantDudhgaonkar
Death is one realty for which we need to be prepared all the time.
How much ever we may think that we are ready, we can never be
Yes, when the time comes we are unprepared